Mojo Lair Drama Regarding DallasPUA

As many of you know, Mojo (creator of the DallasPUA website) and I have had a falling out. The short version is:

1. A guy named Mojo was expelled from the Dallas Seduction Lair, and he creates DallasPUA.com.
2. Mojo created an organization called the IC, and selected me as the new president.
3. Mojo leaves to travel the world, leaving the IC (primarily me) in charge of the lair and website.
4. Mojo removes my admin privileges and decides that while I am "lair leader" he owns the website.
5. I, along with the rest of the IC, and with the support of the members, create DallasLair.org.

The long version of the story is here: (PDF)

I am no longer affiliated with dallaspua.com, but the group and the people are the same, just now we're at The Dallas Lair.

Opening Up

Here is a problem I have been hearing men having lately: they get into this dynamic where the woman isn't contributing anything, and while she is participating, she is forcing him to do all the work in the conversation. It ends up being very one-sided and eventually the man gets sick of it (and isn't getting anywhere anyway), and he just gives up.

The stereotypical form is the dreaded question-loop:
PUA: Are you from here?
HB: Yup.
PUA: Cool, me too..
PUA: ... so what do you do?
HB: I'm in retail.
PUA: Do you like it?
HB: It's okay.
PUA: Um.. so do you have any pets?
HB: No
PUA: I gotta go find my friends.

The problem is that the man is providing the topic, but asking the woman to provide all the content. The man is not offering up anything personal, but is asking the woman to give personal information. The woman sabotages the conversation (deliberately or subconsciously) by giving one-word answers, so as to end the interview.

The problem is that you need to open up first. Divulge something interesting and somewhat personal, such as your own opinion or philosophy on something. It doesn't have to be deep, but it does have to be something about you.

The weather is supposed to be a no-no, because it's a pretty boring subject, but if you make it personal, it can be good. "You know, when it gets like this it reminds me... you know the thing that I like about the rain is that it feels like home. That feeling right before it's about to rain... you know, that smell.. I sorta miss it because ever since I moved to Texas, I don't really experience it very often." This is not really about the weather at all. It's about my feelings.

Then, when they see you're able to open up, they will feel comfortable talking about themselves.

Talk about yourself (first). Talk about your feelings and opinions and outlook and what makes you tick. Avoid talking about facts that don't convey character, such as what school you went to or what car you drive or what profession you're in, unless you can relate it to your character.

Then ask open ended questions (second). Don't ask her to open up more than you have opened up already. If you've taken the initiative, then it is perfectly fair to expect her to respond in kind.

Avoid talking about third-person stuff. Not that it works against you, but it doesn't help to establish a connection between the two of you. The blue whale is the largest animal to ever live, and you may have thousands of very interesting third-person facts that can keep her entertained for quite a while. But it demonstrates only that you are knowledgeable and very little about who you are. So I find it to be a waste of time in terms of establishing a relationship.

A lot of this stuff is paraphrased from stuff that Juggler teaches. I highly recommend his materials for general conversation skills.

Statistics

I'm torn as to whether to post updated statistics on here, because I want to publish it, but for regular readers or subscribers it's not very informative or interesting.

So I've added a section on the left, which I'll update occasionally. I'll include not only the total count, but also list the past few outings and who I was with. I might not include the venue because I don't want the venues to get over-crowded.

Natural?

Those of you who know me know that I am pretty particular when it comes to words and terminology.

It bugs the hell out of me when people talk about teaching Natural game. Because 'Natural' describes not a style of game, but rather how a person comes to learn to be good at game.

A Natural arrives at it through experiences in childhood and adolescence and perhaps some through talking to friends and maybe even a little reading about dating. But the Natural primarily comes to it not via the community or being taught.

To teach Natural Game is an oxymoron. Natural Game is not taught, by definition.

Nor does it really make sense for "Natural game" to mean "the style of game that Naturals have" because Naturals have lots of different styles. Some are flashy with money and symbols, some are physically built or socially dominant, and some lie through their teeth and make promises they never intend to keep. Plenty of Naturals are assholes that nobody wants to be around.

Some people wish they were Naturals. It's to be expected. I think the reason is pride. A Natural doesn't have to suffer the embarassment of looking outside for help in dating.

Natural game is not a bad thing try to sell. If you're selling Natural game, then everything else must be unnatural. And even though I'm following the instructions from an expert to do things I don't normally do, Natural game should feel natural to me. And we all know (and envy) how everything is effortless and magical with true Naturals. I'd love to awaken the inner Natural in me, because I want it to be effortless with me too.

Bullshit. Just goes to show if you choose words carefully you can own the frame.

Update on Statistics

A while ago someone called me a KJ. Whatever.

I've been keeping a log since September 21, 2007. Since I have a GF, I can't exactly sarge and push sets, but I still record when I go out to a bar or club to be social.

I've been out 89 out of the last 196 nights.

Some people read this!

It has recently come to my attention that some people read this blog. Who knew.

Coincidentally, lately I have been occasionally feeling like saying something about a particular company or pickup-related website, but I feel awkward posting it on DallasPUA because it's supposed to be plug-free. Even if it's something I truly like, and I'm not getting any kickback or benefit in any way, I don't want to be mistaken for marketing.

So a blog is a reasonable place for it to go.

Here's a website I was introduced to just a few days ago, thanks to Twitchy: It's called X & Y Communications, and the website is at http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/

Yes, they have a blog and email newsletter, and they sell e-books (I haven't bought any). Same old business model. But I really like their advice. I signed up for their e-mail newsletter and it's WAY higher quality than any of the other dating-related newsletters I subscribe to. But don't take my word for it. Go and read their last few blog posts and you'll get what I'm talking about.