Natural?

Those of you who know me know that I am pretty particular when it comes to words and terminology.

It bugs the hell out of me when people talk about teaching Natural game. Because 'Natural' describes not a style of game, but rather how a person comes to learn to be good at game.

A Natural arrives at it through experiences in childhood and adolescence and perhaps some through talking to friends and maybe even a little reading about dating. But the Natural primarily comes to it not via the community or being taught.

To teach Natural Game is an oxymoron. Natural Game is not taught, by definition.

Nor does it really make sense for "Natural game" to mean "the style of game that Naturals have" because Naturals have lots of different styles. Some are flashy with money and symbols, some are physically built or socially dominant, and some lie through their teeth and make promises they never intend to keep. Plenty of Naturals are assholes that nobody wants to be around.

Some people wish they were Naturals. It's to be expected. I think the reason is pride. A Natural doesn't have to suffer the embarassment of looking outside for help in dating.

Natural game is not a bad thing try to sell. If you're selling Natural game, then everything else must be unnatural. And even though I'm following the instructions from an expert to do things I don't normally do, Natural game should feel natural to me. And we all know (and envy) how everything is effortless and magical with true Naturals. I'd love to awaken the inner Natural in me, because I want it to be effortless with me too.

Bullshit. Just goes to show if you choose words carefully you can own the frame.

Update on Statistics

A while ago someone called me a KJ. Whatever.

I've been keeping a log since September 21, 2007. Since I have a GF, I can't exactly sarge and push sets, but I still record when I go out to a bar or club to be social.

I've been out 89 out of the last 196 nights.

Some people read this!

It has recently come to my attention that some people read this blog. Who knew.

Coincidentally, lately I have been occasionally feeling like saying something about a particular company or pickup-related website, but I feel awkward posting it on DallasPUA because it's supposed to be plug-free. Even if it's something I truly like, and I'm not getting any kickback or benefit in any way, I don't want to be mistaken for marketing.

So a blog is a reasonable place for it to go.

Here's a website I was introduced to just a few days ago, thanks to Twitchy: It's called X & Y Communications, and the website is at http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/

Yes, they have a blog and email newsletter, and they sell e-books (I haven't bought any). Same old business model. But I really like their advice. I signed up for their e-mail newsletter and it's WAY higher quality than any of the other dating-related newsletters I subscribe to. But don't take my word for it. Go and read their last few blog posts and you'll get what I'm talking about.

Tired

Since I started keeping track, I've been out 21 out of the last 30 days. Which is basically 50% of weekdays and all the time on weekends.

It gets pretty exhausting and I am re-thinking whether I want to keep going out as much as possible. Right now I am really dragging because I went to an after-hours place and got only a little sleep last night.

Who knows, maybe after a good night's sleep my attitude will be different.

The Red Queen

I just finished reading The Red Queen, and I have to give it a thumbs up. I was pleasantly surprised.

The reason I was surprised is that I generally find very shallow reasoning on the part of evolutionary biologists. For example, I feel a lot of Mystery's "Survival Value" and "Replication Value" stuff is crap. For most evolutionary biology stuff I hear, I am turned off by what I see as general tendency to do backward science, starting with the conclusion (e.g. men are bigger than women on average) and making unprovable conjectures (it must be because they fight more) as to the cause. In logic this is the fallacy of affirming the consequent: B is true, and A implies B, therefore A.

For the most part, The Red Queen avoids these types of questionable explanations. Many examples are taken from the animal kingdom, where strong patterns are irrefutably at work. The connection from that to human behavior is still an area of speculation and conjecture, but the reasoning is well thought-out and holds together pretty well.

There are a couple areas where the reasoning is still rather thin, but in those areas the author describes multiple competing theories for what forces are at work.

Unfortunately, the book does not have very specific relevance to pickup. It is certainly interesting and I got value out of reading it, but its value is not because it is practical.

Been Out

I've gone out 13 of the last 17 nights. Not all of them were for the purpose of cold-approach pickup. But simply getting out of the house and being social counts.

Settling Down Eventually

This is a response to Finch's comment on an earlier post of mine.

First the short answer: as far as me personally, I fully believe I will settle down eventually, and be happy to do so. Gaming is not a permanent solution for me and I'll get to why in a bit. But first let me share a little background.

I was with my first girlfriend (the woman to whom I lost my virginity) for two years. She wanted to marry me. I was faced with a problem, which was that I didn't know what else was out there and knew I would always wonder. I could never know whether I had made the right choice, or if I had just gone with what was convenient. With a sample size of one, I didn't even know whether she was better than average. We were good together but not "perfect" and she kept telling me that being like that was "normal" and that any relationship would have that. She told me our relationship was really amazingly unusual and awesome. I couldn't take her word for it and I had to break up with her.

I see the game as helping me in two long-term ways. First, by building skill, it increases the options I have, and it increases the likelihood that when i find a super awesome woman, that I'll be able to attract her and at least have a fair chance of winning her. The other way the game helps me is that through the experience of being with different women, it helps clarify what it is I really want. I think I have a pretty good idea, but actually seeing it and feeling it makes me more sure. I will be in a better position to confidently make the leap when the time comes.

The game also has short-term positive aspects too. There is a certain "fun" aspect to having a lot of variety, and a bit of an ego boost as well. Perhaps for some it is addictive. In my case I am pretty sure I'm not addicted because I'm having to make a conscious effort to keep at it.

There are advantages to settling down and being serious and even married. These are things that perpetual gaming can never give me. I can get a much deeper understanding of the one I'm with. We can have kids. We can travel all over the world together. It's a lot easier to invest time and energy, knowing she will be around.

For the right woman I would happily give up the game for these things. But I won't be able to win the right woman without more game, and without knowing what's out there I won't be comfortable in the knowledge that I have the right woman.

My expectation is that I'll be at it for another year or perhaps two.