I'm Going To Hit On You

I have been working on this opener for a few weeks now. By working on, I mean practicing, and coming up with phrases to include. I ran it a few times last Friday, and so far it hasn't failed me.

I like to use it in situations where there is an inherent situational time constraint. For example, "The band is between sets, so while it's possible to talk, I'm going to..." Or, "It looks like you're waiting for friends to show up, so in the five minutes until they arrive, I'm going to..."

The idea is that I will verbalize all the things needy, low value guys do to hit on women, which makes them uncomfortable. By describing the things that make them uncomfortable, and telling them that I am going to make them uncomfortable, I demonstrate that I understand what it's like to be in their position. I know what does and what doesn't make women uncomfortable, which implies that I know how not to make them uncomfortable.

My words, taken at face value, say "Here, check this out, I'm going to make you uncomfortable." But the actual message is "Here, check this out, I'm going to make fun of all the retarded guys who hit on girls and make them uncomfortable." The girls will actually smile and welcome my "hitting on them" attempt.

After I describe what I am going to do, I transition. I get "distracted" by something else, and I don't actually do what I said I was going to do.

So I start a conversation with something they can relate to, and simultaneously put them at ease that I am not going to make them uncomfortable in the usual way. I demonstrate that I understand their world in a somewhat humorous way.

And we're off and running.