This is a response to Finch's comment on an earlier post of mine.
First the short answer: as far as me personally, I fully believe I will settle down eventually, and be happy to do so. Gaming is not a permanent solution for me and I'll get to why in a bit. But first let me share a little background.
I was with my first girlfriend (the woman to whom I lost my virginity) for two years. She wanted to marry me. I was faced with a problem, which was that I didn't know what else was out there and knew I would always wonder. I could never know whether I had made the right choice, or if I had just gone with what was convenient. With a sample size of one, I didn't even know whether she was better than average. We were good together but not "perfect" and she kept telling me that being like that was "normal" and that any relationship would have that. She told me our relationship was really amazingly unusual and awesome. I couldn't take her word for it and I had to break up with her.
I see the game as helping me in two long-term ways. First, by building skill, it increases the options I have, and it increases the likelihood that when i find a super awesome woman, that I'll be able to attract her and at least have a fair chance of winning her. The other way the game helps me is that through the experience of being with different women, it helps clarify what it is I really want. I think I have a pretty good idea, but actually seeing it and feeling it makes me more sure. I will be in a better position to confidently make the leap when the time comes.
The game also has short-term positive aspects too. There is a certain "fun" aspect to having a lot of variety, and a bit of an ego boost as well. Perhaps for some it is addictive. In my case I am pretty sure I'm not addicted because I'm having to make a conscious effort to keep at it.
There are advantages to settling down and being serious and even married. These are things that perpetual gaming can never give me. I can get a much deeper understanding of the one I'm with. We can have kids. We can travel all over the world together. It's a lot easier to invest time and energy, knowing she will be around.
For the right woman I would happily give up the game for these things. But I won't be able to win the right woman without more game, and without knowing what's out there I won't be comfortable in the knowledge that I have the right woman.
My expectation is that I'll be at it for another year or perhaps two.
Sunday, October 7
Settling Down Eventually
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1 comment:
Everything you said makes sense and only serves to reinforce the idea that what we are doing is a good thing not only for ourselves but for our future partners as well. I especially like the bit about experience helping you make your decision to settle down easier instead of harder. I have always felt the opposite but now that I think about it I have to agree with you. It's like in The Game where Style tells Lisa that she's the most amazing girl in LA, and he can actually say that because he's dated them all. I doubt it was hard for him to give it up because he knew what he wanted and she had it. She was a high quality girl. And that's the goal isn't it? It is for me. I guess I just need to remind myself of that more often and not be so negative all the time.
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